


I'll Ink YOUR Bus!

by twitchtipthegnawer



Category: Beetlejuice - All Media Types
Genre: (Mild body horror though), Beej makes a bestiality joke but it's brief to hopefully keep squick to a minimum., Blow Jobs, Body Horror, Hand Jobs, Monsters, Multi, Outdoor Sex, Size Difference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:00:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23023651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitchtipthegnawer/pseuds/twitchtipthegnawer
Summary: (The title is a lame incubus pun. That's it that's the joke.)Beetlegeuse is a bit embarrassed at the realities of being so far from human. Adam and Barbara haven't gone out of their way to tell him they don't mind it because, honestly, they'd thought he knew. They're dating him and he eats bugs on a regular basis. He acts like it's practically a sport, and he's winning because everyone else is too cowardly to compete.But anyway, apparently they'll need to demonstrate to him that they don't mind his demonic nature. Very, very thoroughly.
Relationships: Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland, Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice/Barbara Maitland
Comments: 4
Kudos: 103





	I'll Ink YOUR Bus!

“Shit shit shit damn it fuck cunt _shit!”_

“Beetlegeuse?” Barbara poked her head out of the attic window, through which a steady stream of profanity had been drifting for almost a solid ten minutes. “Are you alright out there?”

She expected him to say something along the lines of, “Would be better if you were with me, babe!” Or, “Hey, ever had sex outside before? I heard that stars are supposed to be romantic!” Or even, “I can’t catch this _fucking_ bat and it looks juicy as shit, it’s tempting me!”

What she _hadn’t_ expected was a quick, “Fine, everything’s peachy keen, perfectly awesome, just _completely_ normal, nothing to see here!”

Ducking back inside, Barbara exchanged a look with Adam. He had both his eyebrows raised, and his arms were crossed. He hadn’t looked this dubious since their neighbor had tried to tell them the wine they were tasting was a nineteen-twenties vintage. Barbara decided she was in wholehearted agreement with this assessment, and shouted back at the demon, “Alright, if you say so!”

Together, she and Adam crept to the window, doing their best to be stealthy. It wasn’t hard with Beetlegeuse’s harsh voice drowning out the sound of their creaky floorboards. “Good plan! It’s pretty cold, wouldn’t want you to get sick. You could catch your _death_ out here!”

While he was busy giggling at his own joke, they both climbed onto the roof. He wasn’t immediately visible, with the slope of the roof and all, but Barbara caught a flash of green glittering off to the side. Was that - _scales?_

Adam took her hand, squeezed it, and then darted forward. Barbara followed him with a smile on her face, a weird kind of thrill in sneaking up on a demon. They were, apparently, on the same wavelength, because they both said, “Boo!” as soon as Beetlegeuse came into view. Immediately afterwards, however, the actual image in front of them sunk in, and they came to a screeching halt.

“Aw, shit,” Beetlegeuse whined. “Can’t a guy get a little privacy around here?”

He sounded the same, more or less. Perhaps a bit more raspy? But his looks, _those_ had changed completely.

Green hair still stood out from his head in an unmanageable mane, but now that head was a good few feet higher up than it had been. His hair kept _moving,_ even though there wasn’t any wind, and his clothes had apparently shredded when he’d suddenly grown so much taller and broader. He’d curled himself up, so Barbara and Adam weren’t exactly getting an eyeful, but it still made her blush.

His skin was now covered in green scales. They seemed to match his hair, though they faded to a more yellow shade on his belly and a darker one on his back. His fingers were tipped in black talons, and his eyes seemed an even brighter shade of amber than usual. His legs were immense things, feet all clawed like - Barbara didn’t know, like a dragon or something, she supposed. He opened his mouth to speak, and she realized he had _two_ rows of teeth in there, offset and razor-sharp.

“Not that I don’t enjoy being watched, babes, but you might wanna save the peep show for _after_ I get this bullshit under control.”

“Peep show?” Squeaked Adam.

“What happened?” Asked Barbara, who was also blushing a little at the implication of voyeurism. Not that they hadn’t tried that, already. It was still embarrassing to talk about.

Pouting, Beetlegeuse shifted so he wasn’t looking directly at them. His hair went further down his back like this, Barbara realized. Like a horse mane. “Just some demon weirdness,” he said. “Guess I’m not _supposed_ to look like a human all the time. That’s dumb as hell, if you ask me. Scaring people in this form is so _boring._ I don’t even get to spout some one-liners before they run away!”

“Aw, Beetlegeuse,” Barbara walked up to him and patted him on the shoulder. It was so high she had to stand on her tip-toes, and he was _sitting down._ “You don’t scare us!”

“Oh, yeah? That why you stood there like a couple of deer in the headlights?” Beetlegeuse leered at Adam, who was still a couple of feet away. “Come on, I don’t bite. Much.”

Even in the gloom, neither Barbara nor Beetlegeuse could miss the way Adam blushed at the sight of Beetlegeuse’s bear-trap mouth. “See?” Barbara said, sliding her hand down Beetlegeuse’s arm gently. “Told you we’re not afraid.”

A tail lashed behind Beetlegeuse’s back. It had purple stripes on it, and Barbara found it horribly endearing. “You two are a pair of freaks,” Beetlegeuse said. She couldn’t help but notice he sounded quite a bit more delighted than he had a moment ago.

“Would you - er, shouldn’t we go back inside?” Said Adam.

Both Beetlegeuse and Barbara clearly took that for the invitation it was, and Barbara could admit she was feeling a little bit hot under the collar. However - “Sorry, sexy,” Beetlegeuse said. “Don’t think I can fit through the window at the moment. Maybe I could punch through a wall?”

Barbara hurried to say, “No, let’s not do that.”

“Then _what.”_ He was relaxing slightly now, and Beetlegeuse adopted a more cross-legged posture. This meant that Barbara could see his lime belly, soft and round and looking very cuddle-able with all those smooth, cool scales. If she looked down, maybe she could _also_ see his, er, _package._

A thought she’d had mere minutes before came back to her, and she said, “Why don’t we stay on the roof?”

Scandalized, Adam’s hand flew up to his mouth, but it didn’t hide the smile in his eyes. “What if we fall off? It’s pretty steeply sloped.”

“We’re already dead,” Barbara said. “And we’re ghosts, so it’s not like the neighbors will mind, even _if_ they’re still awake at this hour.”

“Fuck, are you two actually gonna…?” Beetlegeuse leaned down to talk at their height, and Barbara took advantage by plunging a hand into his hair and forcing him into a kiss. He made an undignified, garbled sound, but returned the kiss happily enough. Beetlegeuse loved attention more than anything else, regardless of what form he took.

His tongue was really, very, ah, _interesting._ Long and thick and soft, and Barbara thought it had a forked tip, probably, though the sensation was so unique she couldn’t be completely sure without getting a good look at it. His kissing actually distracted her from the feeling in her hands for so long, she almost didn’t notice it at all.

But of course, she did eventually. It had her jerking her head back, Beetlegeuse making a soft, lost little, “Whuh?” noise.

“Turn your head, please?” Barbara was polite on reflex when something weirded her out, and Adam _finally_ came up behind her, a cold spot against her back as he tried to get a good look at what she was seeing.

Beetlegeuse obeyed, and Barbara combed her fingers through his coarse locks more carefully than usual, looking for what that feeling had been. “If they bit you, I swear to fuck, I’ll find _some_ way to get rid of them in the next five minutes,” Beetlegeuse muttered. “Maybe rip them out and eat them, like a gorilla.”

The question of who the “they” were was answered by a tiny, purple, scaled _thing_ coming out of the part Barbara had made in Beetlegeuse’s hair. It had emerald eyes no bigger than half Barbara’s pinky-nail, and an even teensier tongue that flickered in the air by her finger.

Little, itty bitty snakes. Judging by the way his hair was all waving, there were _tons_ of them hidden in there, and they were just hiding shyly. On a whim, Barbara leaned in and kissed the teensy thing right on the head.

Squawking, Beetlegeuse flailed away from her. “I can _feel_ that!”

“Does it feel good?” Asked Barbara, who wasn’t all that bothered to have to follow after him. He’d done this before, gotten all skittish. It was kind of cute, like a hissing cat.

He frowned, then shrugged. “Dunno. Mostly just _weird._ I don’t exactly get kisses on my snakes every day, if you know what I mean.”

“What about this?” Asked Adam, who neither of them had been looking at.

Casual as you please, he caught the purple, tapered tip of Beetlegeuse’s tail, then stroked down the length of it with his other hand. “What an interesting texture,” he mused. Beetlegeuse didn’t look like he’d heard a word of it. He was blinking rapidly, and suddenly pressed his thighs together. Barbara had looked, despite herself, and hadn’t seen anything before. She wondered what he’d look like, if they got him worked up.

“Keep doing that,” Barbara told Adam. He bit his lip, nodded.

“I love it when you guys gang up on me,” Beetlegeuse babbled. “Have I said that lately?”

Setting her hands on his knees, Barbara gently coaxed his legs open, then crawled between them. Adam was sitting at his hip, massaging rather close to the base of his tail. And part of her wanted to touch it, too, to pet it and maybe find out how dexterous it was, but that was a distraction from her current goal. Beetlegeuse didn’t have an obvious slit between his legs, but that didn’t mean much. The texture of scales could hide a lot.

Slowly, half because Beetlegeuse was easy to spook, half because she herself was a bit hesitant, Barbara slipped her hands up his thighs. He was warmer, here, if not quite human-hot. She skipped over his crotch in favor of pressing a palm against his lower belly, feeling him breathe up and down, useless and comforting nonetheless.

Voice a bit strangled, Beetlegeuse said, “So, not that I’m against whipping it out or anything, but if you press down much harder - ” Barbara took that as instruction and did so, palm rocking downwards and, sure enough, between his legs… it was almost like a flower, slipping out of his body. Adam gasped quietly at her side, and she was pretty sure she’d whined as well.

Maybe a pinecone was a more apt comparison? But the scalloped texture looked almost waxy-soft, like petals. Each one was green near its base and purple along the curved side, and that much texture was going to feel _amazing_ inside her, Barbara could already tell. Smooth when he pulled out, but thrusting in it would be almost too much. Scraping against her inner walls, making her tighten automatically. She was chewing her lip without meaning to.

“Fuck, babe, if you don’t get your hands on me pretty soon I’m gonna die! For real, this time, nothing but the Netherworld from here on out, don’t think I’ll keep coming back for your sweet torture - oh, _shit.”_

“You talk too much, Beetlegeuse,” Barbara told him.

It was warm, in her hand, and it had more give than a human dick. Curious, she ran her thumb over the bumps, then did so again with a little more pressure.

To her shock, it practically _gushed_ fluid. Clear, and rather sticky, so it trailed down her wrist and dripped in long strings from her elbow. And it smelled _amazing._

Kind of like ginger, actually. Strong enough to sting her nose. Beetlegeuse groaned and covered his nose with one clawed hand, saying, “Sorry, babe, I know it smells terrible.”

“Terrible?” Adam gave him an incredulous look, then let go of his tail in favor of kneeling, reaching up, and bracing his hands on his chest. “It smells _really_ nice!”

“Whuh?” Beetlegeuse said, for the second time that night.

Later, Barbara would think about how demons seemed to have a weird sense of what was _good_ and what was _bad._ She would wonder if Beetlegeuse thought all human food just tasted terrible by choice. But at the moment, she was enjoying the sight of Adam kissing their shocked paramour. Beetlegeuse’s eyes stayed open, and she made sure he could see out of the corner of his eye when she licked up the juice on her fingers.

 _Mmm,_ sweet, but a bit bitter, too. Floral, for sure, more so than ginger was. Now her nose _and_ tongue were tingling, and she found she wanted more. So she reached down, wrapped fingers around the base of Beetlegeuse’s dick, and _squeezed_ up it. It was too thick at the base for her to reach all the way around, but if the two-timbered rasp he made was any indication, she was doing a good enough job with what she had.

Up above her, Beetlegeuse kept almost saying something, and Adam cut him off with wet noises. When Barbara tore her eyes from the demonic cock that had bewitched her, she saw that Adam was _sucking_ on his _tongue._ His throat kept moving, swallowing, but it was so _long._

Could Beetlegeuse fuck his throat with his tongue? Oh, or eat Barbara out! But that would have to wait for later.

“Sexy, fuck, please, wait,” Beetlegeuse was starting to sound less and less human, a chorus of hissing starting up like static. It lulled as Adam leaned back enough to wipe his mouth, but it didn’t go away entirely. “I love this, please don’t stop, but if you two keep going I’m gonna blow my load in t-minus thirty seconds.”

“So fast,” commented Barbara, knowing it’d embarrass him.

Sticking his tongue out at her, Beetlegeuse finally answered the question he didn’t know she’d asked. It was plusher than a snake tongue, but it _did_ have a forked tip! And it was _purple._ Why wouldn’t it be?

Oblivious to Barbara’s private satisfaction, Beetlegeuse said, “I _told_ you, I’m not used to getting touched like this! It’s a lot! I dare you to let me touch your soul and _not_ come like a teenage Chad sniffing his girlfriend’s panties for the first time.”

“Maybe later,” said Barbara.

“Yeah, sure - wait. You’d let me do that?”

“We both would,” Adam told him. “But Barb’s right. We need to take care of you first.”

With that, he joined her between Beetlegeuse’s legs. They both laid on their bellies on the shingles, a thigh on either side of them, and Barbara laced her fingers through Adam’s in much the same way he’d done, before they’d actually seen Beetlegeuse’s current form. As one, they leaned in, and licked up the sides of Beetlegeuse’s cock.

It really didn’t take him long to come after that. Barbara didn’t blame him; she knew he loved how she looked, and when Adam was between _her_ legs, she couldn’t last long either. She kind of expected him to still come sticky and white, though she wasn’t sure exactly where it’d come out from. But, instead, he just gushed a renewed torrent of that sweet fluid into their mouths, and then his dick slowly slid back into the safety of his body.

His giant, murderous-looking taloned feet flexed as he came down from the high, and then there was a hand grabbing each of them by the back of the head. They were large enough to cradle their skulls easily, and Beetlegeuse dragged them both up so that he could take turns kissing them fervently.

Eventually, Barbara’s giggling forced him to cut off a kiss, and while he was staring at her, Adam spoke. “So, I’m taking it that means you enjoyed yourself.”

“You two are the dumbest assholes I’ve ever fucked,” Beetlegeuse replied. “And I woke up next to a goat one time.”

“Love you too,” Barbara said.

“You’re just using me for my sweet shapeshifting skills!” Beetlegeuse moaned melodramatically. “I should’ve known all along, you’re too good to be true!”

Beetlegeuse was kind of an idiot. But he was _their_ idiot, and these days, they found themselves laughing with him more often than not. No matter what he looked like, Barbara thought she’d enjoy taking him apart with Adam’s help. Though, she did admit, this was a good look on him.

**Author's Note:**

> I might have depression, but would Beetlegeuse want me to be wallowing in my bedroom? No, he'd want me to be living up to my full potential, writing explicit smut featuring some very odd kinks.
> 
> Anyway if anyone else has a sexy creepy demon boyfriend design you should toss it my way.


End file.
